A Year Post Break Up...And Here's What I've Learned...

A year ago around this time, I was returning from a trip around the world with my at the time boyfriend. And then we got off the ship, and things changed, and my heart ended up getting broken. And at the end of the day, that's life.

At the moment, it felt like my life ended, everything I knew had changed, the world as I knew it felt like it had shattered beneath me. I was blindsided and sad for a really long time. And for a while, I thought I was never going to be happy again.

Yet, here I am. Happy and about a year later, ready to really talk about it. Well, maybe not it, that shit was brutal and no one needs to hear the messy details of a breakup. But, I am ready to share what I learned from it all.

1. It's okay to not be okay.

I think people really underestimate this. For months after I was really affected, and honestly, some days I still am. I would go a week without crying or thinking about it, and then all of sudden every feeling you could ever feel attacks you. And all of a sudden I would be so not okay and hate myself for not being okay. When at the end of the day, I am human. Feeling your feelings, it's important. And normal.

2. Go at your own pace

Everyone, I felt like was putting me onto their timeline. Telling me all I needed was time, that I wasn't getting myself back out there, I was wallowing. But it was my first love. And I lost it. Just like with my feelings I was trying to fit into what I thought was right, but at the end of the day, I needed to do right by me.

3. Do what YOU need to do, not what others are telling you what to do

At the end of the day, this is you. It's your life. Your heart. Your heartbreak. You do you. You can talk to others, you can talk to a therapist, you can pick and choose what you talk about. you can go on dates right after or you can stay single forever. It's your life your choices. My biggest regret was caring so much about what everyone was telling me I needed to do instead of doing what I needed to do for me. As a people pleaser, this was the hardest one for me to learn, acknowledge, and follow.

4. Every break up is a snowflake - no two are the same

I love my friends, and I am so grateful to have had them there and a part of my life and my support system when I needed it. But, every break up is different. What I went through was different then what each of them did. And you can take their advice and learn from it, but at the end of the day, it's all different and relative. Comparing your breakups gets you nowhere. You are your own person, your break up was your own thing. Just focus on your feelings, emotions, and situation, it will make things that much easier.

5. There is no right way to deal with it

And despite it all. No matter what. There is no 'right' way to do it. Again, just do what you have to do for yourself because no matter how many times I heard it and wanted to punch whoever told me it, time was really the only thing that helped. And at the end of the day, you will be okay. I promise.

Again, this is all my own personal advice, you can take it or not. Like I said, there is no right way to deal with it, just words of wisdom from those who have experienced it before. It is what it is. It is life, and heartbreak is a part of it. Doesn't make it suck any less though.